(Adapted from Positive Intelligence™)

For the next little while, we will explore and describe the 10 Saboteurs that high jack our wellbeing and hold us back from experiencing as much joy and calm in our lives and yes, in our careers and relationships.

To kick off spotlighting these nasty characters, today we focus on The Avoider.

How does this resonate with you?

Some of the top characteristics of The Avoider Saboteur focuses on the positive and pleasant in an extreme way, often to avoid difficult and unpleasant tasks and conflicts.

The Avoider…
Avoids conflict and says yes to things one would not want.
Has difficulty saying no.
Procrastinates on unpleasant tasks.

Thoughts
“This is just too unpleasant. Maybe if I let it go, it will take care of itself”.
“If I deal with this now, I will hurt her feelings. I’d rather not”.
“If I get into conflict with others, I might lose my connection with them”.

Feelings
Anxiety about what has been avoided or procrastinated.
Fear about hard-won peace of mind being interrupted.
Suppressed anger and resentment rather than expressed anger.

Justification Lies
You are a good person to spare others’ feelings.
No good comes out of conflict.
It is good to be flexible.

Impact on Self and Others
Denying the conflicts and negativities that do exist prevents one from working with them and converting them into gifts.
What is avoided doesn’t go away and festers. Relationships are kept superficial through conflict avoidance. Others’ trust level is reduced as they are not sure when negative information is being withheld.

Original Survival Function
Avoider could rise from both happy and difficult childhoods.
In happy childhood, one might not have learned the resiliency of dealing with difficult emotions.
In a childhood of high conflict and tension, the Avoider might learn to not add any negativity or tension of one’s own on top of the existing family tensions.

The positive intelligence foundation informs us that the Avoider is a liar and often stays in denial of life’s challenges in order to maintain harmony, at all costs. What people tend to overlook is the adverse residual affect that actually has on their mental fitness.

Does this sound like you? Do the Avoider’s struggles sound like yours? There IS a way to turn down the volume on the Avoider saboteur voices inside your head. It’s a foundation of our Mental Fitness Bootcamp.

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