(Adapted from Positive Intelligence™)
(#3 in a series of 10)
Does your self-worth ride on your achievements? Do you overlook the amazing things that you have accomplished because somehow it never seems like enough? Been there, done that.
We are exploring the 10 Saboteurs that high jack our wellbeing and hold us back from experiencing as much joy and calm in our lives and yes, in our careers and relationships.
Today, we focus on the Hyper Achiever as part of our Saboteur Spotlight.
How does this resonate with you?
Some of the top characteristics of The Hyper Achiever is dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. It is highly focused on external success, leading to unsustainable workaholic tendencies and loss of touch with deeper emotional and relationship needs.
The Hyper Achiever is…
Competitive, image and status conscious
Good at covering up insecurities and showing positive image.
Goal oriented and workaholic streak.
Can keep people at safe distance.
I must be the best at what I do.
If I can’t be outstanding, I won’t bother.
Must be efficient and effective.
Emotions get in the way of performance.
You are worthy as long as you are successful and others think well of you.
“I don’t like dwelling in feelings for too long”.
“Sometimes I feel empty and depressed inside, but don’t linger there”.
“Important to me to feel successful”.
Life is about achieving and producing results.
Portraying a good image helps me achieve results.
Feelings are a distraction and don’t help anything.
Impact on Self and Others
Peace and happiness is short-lived in brief celebrations of achievement.
Self-acceptance is continuously conditioned on the next success.
Lose touch with deeper feelings, deeper self and ability to connect deeply with others.
Original Survival Function
For the Hyper-Achiever, self-validation, self-acceptance and self-love are all conditional conditioned on continual performance. This is often the result of either conditional or altogether absent validation from parental figures. Even with very loving and approving parents, it is easy for children to perceive that they are loved in return for achieving, obeying the rules, having good manners, etc., rather than unconditionally.
The positive intelligence foundation informs us that the Hyper Achiever is a liar and often engages in self-defeating behavior and thoughts.
Does this sound like you? Do the Hyper Achiever’s struggles sound like yours? There IS a way to turn down the volume on the Avoider saboteur voices inside your head. It’s a foundation of our Mental Fitness Bootcamp.
Want to learn more? DM for more info.
NEXT UP: The Hyper-Rational …we’ll explore how this Saboteur wreaks havoc in our lives and the lies it tells.