(Adapted from Positive Intelligence™)
We are exploring the 10 Saboteurs that high jack our wellbeing and hold us back from experiencing as much joy and calm in our lives and yes, in our careers and relationships.
Today, we focus on The Controller as part of our Saboteur Spotlight.
How does this resonate with you?
Some of the top characteristics of The Controller often shows its ugly head as an anxiety-based need to take charge and control situations and people’s actions to one’s own will. High anxiety and impatience when that is not possible.
Strong energy, need to control and take charge.
Willful, confrontational, straight talker.
In-your-face communication interpreted by others as anger or criticism.
You are either in control or out of control.
If I work hard enough I can and should control the situation so it goes my way.
No one tells me what to do.
High anxiety when things are not going my way.
Impatient with others’ feelings and different styles
Does feel hurt and rejected, although rarely admits to it.
Without the Controller, you can’t get much done.
If I don’t control, I will be controlled, and I can’t live with that.
I am trying to get the job done for all our sakes.
Impact on Self and Others
The Controller does get temporary results but at the cost of others feeling controlled and resentful and not able to tap into their own greater reserves.
Controller also generates a great deal of anxiety as many things in work and life are ultimately not controllable.
Original Survival Function
Underneath the bravado of the Controller there is often a hidden fear of being controlled by others or life. The Controller is sometimes associated with early life experiences where the child is forced to grow up fast, be on its own, and take charge of its chaotic or dangerous surroundings in order to survive physically and/or emotionally. It is also associated with being hurt, rejected, or betrayed and deciding to never be that vulnerable again.
The positive intelligence foundation informs us that the Controller is a liar and often engages in self-defeating behavior and thoughts.
Does this sound like you? Do the Controller’s struggles sound like yours? There IS a way to turn down the volume on the Avoider saboteur voices inside your head. It’s a foundation of our Mental Fitness Bootcamp.
Want to learn more? DM for more info.
NEXT UP: The Hyper-Achiever …we’ll explore how this Saboteur wreaks havoc in our lives and the lies it tells.